Someone Else's Opinion Is Not Your Reality

What if I told you that I exhausted myself at work, not because of my targets, my ambition or my performance, but because of what someone told me years ago?

“Women can't do well at high-value jobs.”

Hi everyone, my name is Anushree. I live in Bangalore, and I'm currently working in tech marketing. And this is my untold work story.

So, my untold work story goes back almost a decade, when I was a 21-year-old fresh graduate.

It was my first job, and I was in the sales operations team. We used to work very closely with the sales team, which was the most coveted team in the organisation.

The sales team was like the star of the organisation because they were winning deals, closing deals and bringing in revenue for the company.

But I noticed something very different about the team: it was made up of just men.

There was no representation of my gender on the team.

Curious about this, I actually brought it up.

And the response the sales leader gave me was, “Well, women aren't cut out for sales.”

That was his opinion.

And the reasoning that followed was not that women lacked intellectual capability, but that women had a lot of household responsibilities and family responsibilities, and they wouldn't be able to manage the pressure that a job like sales comes with.

He then went on to give some more bizarre reasons, like how his travel budget would increase if he had women on his team.

He couldn't shout at women the way he would shout at men because they wouldn't be able to take it.

He was genuinely convinced that women were not cut out for sales, not because they couldn't sell, but just because they were women.

The thing is, I do feel a little ashamed of my 21-year-old self back then because I never countered that argument.

I never questioned him.

And the person I am today would probably have asked a hundred questions.

This was not a one-off conversation. It was stated so many times over the course of several months that it just became a matter-of-fact, casually accepted part of my life.

So, a few years later, after I completed my postgraduation, I joined a commercial real estate firm and worked in its sales department.

Some of you may know that commercial real estate is a completely male-dominated industry, especially a few years back.

In fact, I was the only woman on an eight-member team.

And when I started working, I felt this need to overcompensate, to say yes to everything.

Because it was that tiny voice in my head that kept telling me:

“Women can't do sales. Women can't do sales.”

Unknowingly, what had happened was that whatever I'd heard at my previous job had become ingrained in me.

And I felt like I had to prove to the world, not just something about myself, but also the fact that, yes, women can do sales.

And so, I kept saying yes to everything.

I was the last one to leave the office.

Irrespective of how much work I had, I said yes to more work because I didn't want to be considered a weaker person or someone who wasn't good at their work.

A few months into that role, an incident happened that changed the way I thought and shifted my mindset.

I was going to a meeting with my manager and my client.

And on the way to the meeting, I had a small accident and hurt myself.

In fact, the scratches and wounds from that accident are still there.

The first thought that came to my mind after that accident was:

“Oh my God, I'm going to be late for the meeting.”

It wasn't, “I'm hurt. I need to take myself to the hospital.”

It was just, “Shit, I'm late.”

And when I reached the meeting, I was being overly apologetic.

My manager just looked at me, puzzled.

And what happened next was not something I expected.

He immediately cut the meeting short, told the client we would need some time and could meet later, and immediately took me to the hospital.

He got me treated, ensured that I reached home safely and said I wasn't coming back to the office until I was completely fine.

That act made something shift in me that day.

What I realised was that I didn't have to come to work and compensate for being a woman.

All I had to do was bring my best capabilities, the best version of myself, my ideas and my brainpower to work, and do my best at it.

That's about it.

After spending almost a decade in the corporate world, what I have realised is that, as leaders, we sometimes underestimate the impact that we can have, especially on young, inexperienced professionals who are still finding their ground and are still underconfident.

A casual comment or a casual remark from someone could become a very limiting belief for that young employee.

Whereas a small act of empathy could go a long way with them.

And my advice to all the young professionals out there would be:

Don't let anybody's opinion become your reality.

You are so much more than that.